Shoe Me
by AN

FEATURED EXCERPT: “Vanity is a mortgage that must be deducted from the value of a man.” Shiny black brogues, soft loafers or handmade Italian leather shoes belong to the power pack up on Wall Street.

Guru Randy Baxter, resident of the NYC sewers, has a keen eye for fashion. Shoes are just his thing. He claims that he can psycho-barometer just about anyone just by their shoe chic …or the lack of it. Here are some of his brave theories…

Women wearing stilettos says Randy, are sexy. "They know what they want and they walk on pointed daggers to let the world know that. Quite dangerous, really but yes, they know exactly what they want and how to get it. The higher the heel, the greater the need to walk taller, be taller. Could possibly relate to their love for the high life and their love for Daddy's millions and plastic. Both the kind that you spend with and the kind that polymers your countenance and other assets." Plastic these days runs the world but it is the shoes that walk the plastic, he says wisely and who is to argue with that kind of logic.

The sewer is a dark, smelly wisdom -filled place.

So back to the shoes, it is the Tarot of the footpath - and each type of shoe corresponds to a kind of person. There are too many types but let me give you a snapshot says Randy. The six-inch babies with the unmistakable red shiny patent sole are the diva of the dagger heel, the Louboutin’s. Women with attitude and a great threshold for pain wear these.

Park Avenue princesses with glittering social calendars, movie stars and the fashionistas living on the Upper East Side, hailing cabs to work consider their collections of Choo’s and Manalo Blahniks as their fashion assets.

Women who have an impeccable sense of style, waltzing ahead of their pre-teen counterparts, shop at Bendels and Barney's, in America's newest haute designer who has taken NYC by storm since 2009, Tory Burch on their pretty pedicured feet, these people may also favour Chloe or Vivier ballet flats. Randy says, “Women who wear Alexander McQueen have a dark side.” Mirrored in Queens’ iconic skull logo. The Pretty young things who sashay down Fifth and Madison, lunching at Eataly are more in mode to wear Balenciaga, Chanel, Christian Dior, Hermès, Jean Paul Gaultier, Louis Vuitton or Manolo Blahnik. “The feisty ones who wear Miu Miu, Prada, Oscar de la Renta, Shiatzy Chen, Sonia Rykiel, Tom Ford, Vera Wang, Versace, Vivienne Westwood are secretly schizophrenic” says Randy. He whispers that almost all the brands are made at the same factories in India and China, and outsourced to NYC, Milan and Paris, packed into fancy bags for our NYC poppet’s. Randy and his friends laugh hilariously at this. India, he says, makes the best ‘Made in Italy’ leather tags for all the true blood originals. Randy guffaws loudly in his sewery living room.

Then you have the unbranded stuff. Randy is just too much of a snob to mention them by name, but he admits that they work, they are the tough, hardy and flat, the comfort shoes worn by people who are hardworking and not really into the whole fashion scene. They live in Brooklyn and take the train to work. Comfort is all they look for in a pair of shoes. Real people scuffed by the real rigors of city life, right down to their trusty footwear. Flawed fashionistical-ly speaking, like the weathered shoes they wear, their selection of fine fashion is curated from garage sales and family hand me down specials. They don’t reek of expensive perfume. Fine liquor is not their thing, but a beer at a dive bar is where you will spot them all. There is opportunity around them but sometimes it’s just easier to bum your way through life. In spirit, they are no different from the Park Avenue princesses. They take what they get and can't set their vision any higher, custom built high heels and perfume or Brooklyn Street attitude and scuffed footwear notwithstanding. In the end, he says sagely, "It all comes down to the shoes."

To be continued...